Ambivert

Sometimes I like to think about how weird I’m. Gue ini sebenernya punya kepribadian apa? Gue merasa, I can express my feelings and share the happiness to other…but beside that, I can’t accommodate mine. Likeeee lo ngerti gak? Kayak lo itu bisa sharing kebahagian ke orang lain, cerita-cerita menarik ataupun motivasi ke orang, tapi lo sendiri ga mampu memotivasi diri lo. 

Gue juga merasa punya satu sifat yang unik but I think it was good tho… Gue bisa menyerap sifat orang lain, just like a sponge whoever person next to me, whoever person that I frequently talk with, whoever person that I frequently share with…gue bisa berubah menjadi almost “dia”.

Apa gue gak punya karakter?

And this night I overthink about that, in 02:57 am I discover that I might be Ambivert. Seseorang yang punya dua sisi kepribadian. Dan itu benar.

I might be a social animal, that ice breaking person, or maybe the joker at my community. But sometimes that thing reduce my energy. Don’t get me wrong, tapi gue capek loh. Sometimes I wish people not seeing me. 

Akhir-akhir ini gue sadar, kalau kita gak bisa terlalu dekat dengan orang-orang. I mean a had a lots of friend. Most of time kemana-mana gue pasti ketemu orang yang gue kenal. Di tempat kerja pun gue kenal banyak orang, gak di kampung gak di luar kota. But not all of them is the true friends—event the closest one. They are the same : they can stab me from behind. 

Someone that I think one of my closest one aja baru-baru ini ngomong kalau she is not. “Kita kan ga sedekat itu” and now I’m seeing she post a status saying bad things about me. Nyinyir aja sih, tapi jadinya bener, because the closest one don’t stab each other.

As and ambivert, maybe gue harus kurangin porsi extrovert gue. Karna once kita terlalu ramah ke orang lain, rasa segan mereka udah hilang—from strangers become friends. Dan tidak semua mesti menjadi teman lo. From friends become close friend. Dan tidak semua bisa diberikan kepercayaan itu. Oh poor Punol, she thinks everyone has a good heart ‘till her bloods runs out.

I wish I know it early, to make my circle small, and absorbing their ‘good’ side with no after taste.